“Love isn't two matching unicycles. Love is a bicycle—and mine just got stolen.
”

“We made love like two people trying to make love like three people in the trunk of a car.
”

“My love’s got a lot of love to give. Unfortunately, she gives none of it to me.
”

“Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god.
”

“Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.
”

“My love is sticky, like glue. I'd kill a horse just to give you some.
”

“To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.
”