“She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, “Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert.”

“I love that she loves me a 10, on a 5-point scale. Well, I know it’s a 5-point scale, though I asked her on a 1-100 scale.

”

“She told me she loved me. She told me a lot of things. Some of those things were true, and some of those may or may not have been true. It’s kind of hard to tell, because to be honest, I wasn’t listening.
”

“In bed, I can go for hours. Oh yes, I love naps.
”

“If I could bronze my love, it’d be worthy of a silver medal.
”

“I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I’d better go drown myself before I freeze to death.
”

“To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.
”