“We had an unspoken love for one another. Probably because she’d never talk to me or return my phone calls or texts.
”

“We made love like green is blue. That’s because we were only half into it, though for the record I was the blue and she was the disinterested yellow.
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“My love’s got a lot of love to give. Unfortunately, she gives none of it to me.
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“She told me she loved me. She told me a lot of things. Some of those things were true, and some of those may or may not have been true. It’s kind of hard to tell, because to be honest, I wasn’t listening.
”

“I make love like a snake disguised as an elephant and a donkey. But I mustn’t talk about sexual congress and Congress simultaneously.
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“To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.
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“She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, “Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert.”