“A sheriff arrested me. I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure my men-in-uniform fetish began that day. The sheriff was hot. And he handcuffed me. I've never been the same.”

“Sheriff Root: "Ask Me, I reckon it was niggers"Deputy: "How you reckon that, Sheriff Root?"Sheriff Root: "Kinda thing they do"Deputy: "What, burn two hundred people to death, right down to the bone? They do that?"Sheriff Root: "MARTIAN niggers”

“So people keep asking me what this badge is for... this badge makes me the sheriff, the sheriff of Emo town, so get your straight irons and eyeliner ready!”

“Hello sheriff, give me another nose”

“I pulled the phone toward me and punched in the number of the sheriff's office in Flat Mesa. The deputy at the desk put me straight through. The phone made a couple of clicks, and then the sheriff's voice sounded in my ear."Jones," he said. Dark, biting, laconic."Hey, Nash. It's Janet."There was a long silence."Fuck," Nash Jones said clearly, and he hung up on me.”

“The voyage from San Francisco to Hawaii had been the most terrifying experience Greer and Cameron had ever gone through, even more terrible than the time they shot a deputy sheriff in Idaho ten times and he wouldn't die and Greer finallyhad to say to the deputy sheriff,"Please die because we don't want toshoot you again". And the deputy sheriff had said, "Ok, I'll die, but don't shoot me again"."We won't shoot you again", Cameron had said."Ok, I'm dead", and he was.”