“After a geological epoch passed in which single-celled organisms evolved into talk show hosts, Mr. Coffee was still holding out on me.”

“I strode toward Mr. Coffee with lust in my eyes. We'd had a thing for quite some time now Mr. Coffee and I...”

“See you in a few. Hold down the fort, Mr. Wong!”

“Mr. and Mrs. Lowell are not receiving."What the hell did that mean? "I'm not throwing a forty-yard pass. I just have a few questions. I think their daughter is in danger.”

“After searching for a space, I parked behind the tattoo parlor in front of a sign that said NO PARKING. Since it didn't specify to whom it was referring, I figured it couldn't possibly be talking to me.”

“Gemma talking to Charley..."Got it. Have you seen my pants?""Speaking of which, how did you get home without them?""I borrowed a pair of you sweats. I ran into a convenience store with them on. I talked to neighbors out in their yard when I pulled up. And only after I got inside did I realize the had 'Exit Only' written across the back.""You stole my favorite sweats?""I wanted to die.""It's weird that sweats would make you suicidal. I'd analyze the crap out of that if I were you.""Do you actually wear those in public?""Only when I go out in them”

“Want coffee?" I asked, as I headed that way."It's three thirty in the morning.""Okay. Want coffee?”