“God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand.”

“My real mom died when I was born—hemorrhaged to death while giving birth tome, which has never been one of my favorite memories—and Dad married Denise before I’d turned a year. Without even asking my opinion on thematter. Denise and I never really clicked.”

“I pointed in the general vicinity of my left ovary, "This is Beam Me Up." Then to my right. "And this is Scotty." Garret chuckled and buried his face in his hands. He asked.”

“...But he was a good landlord. When my heater stopped working in mid-December, it took him only two weeks to get it fixed. Of course, it took me knocking on his door in need of a warm place to sleep to get it that way, but one night on his sofa, where I’d suddenly developed night terrors and epilepsy, and that puppy was running like a Mercedes the next day. It was awesome.”

“Time-out,” I said. He twisted his hand around and wound his fingers into mine. “You‘re putting me in time-out?”“Yes,” I said as a shaky sigh slid through my lips.“If I don‘t go, do I get a spanking?”

“I shifted in my chair as Dad waited for a response. He seemed determined, his resolve unwavering. This would take tact. Prudence. Possibly Milk Duds.“Are you psychotic?” I asked, realizing my plan to charm and bribe him if need be flew out the window the minute I opened my mouth.”

“He'd been in surgery for-like-ever, then in recovery, but they put him in a room because, despite the amount of blood loss, his wounds were no longer life threatening. "You here to get in my pants?" he asked."You're not wearing any pants," I reminded him. "You're wearing a girly gown with a built-in ass ventilator.”