“He'd been in surgery for-like-ever, then in recovery, but they put him in a room because, despite the amount of blood loss, his wounds were no longer life threatening. "You here to get in my pants?" he asked."You're not wearing any pants," I reminded him. "You're wearing a girly gown with a built-in ass ventilator.”

“I make my own pants because I don't wear jeans. They are like golf pants. I just like to put a little funk into everything.”

“. . . he lies on the couch with only his pants, boots and bandages wrapped around him. I thought about taking off his pants and boots when I sprayed the blood off him in the shower, but decided that I wasn’t here to make him comfortable.”

“You know what really kills me over this is that I’ve never seen two animals act more human. What kind of Romeo-Juliet bullshit are they playing anyway?Hell if I know. He says she’s the only one who understands him. Given the girly way he’s been acting lately, I actually agree with that ‘cause I definitely don’t get any of it. If he starts wearing lipstick and pink, I vote we take him out and shoot him. Put his whiny ass out of my misery.”

“People usually wear their smarty pants when they are trying to hide their dumb asses.”

“I get the whole lost-your-parents thing. Been there. But that don’t have to turn you stupid. That’s a choice, like wearing green stretch pants.”