“I have three words for you," EMT Guy said. "Possible internal bleeding."I turned back to him. "Don't you think if I was bleeding internally, I'd know somewhere deep inside? Like, internally?”

“We really should get some X-rays,” the EMT said. “You just want to fondle my extraneous body parts,” I said to the EMT.”

“Ambulances were cool. “You just want to fondle my extraneous body parts,” I said to the EMT as I picked up a silver gadget that looked disturbingly like an alien orifice probe, broke it, then promptly put it back, hoping it wouldn’t leave someone’s life hanging in the balance because the EMT couldn’t alien-probe his orifices.”

“Before I tell you, I have to know three things," I said."Okay.""One, are you sitting down?""Yes.""Two, are you mentally stable?""More than you'll ever be."Well, that was uncalled for. "And three, how do you spell schizophrenia?""What does that have to do with anything?""Nothing. I just wanted to see if you'd tell me.”

“After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, "You named your breasts?"I turned my back to him with a shrug. "I named my ovaries, too, but they don't get out as much.”

“We stood there, the three of us, our jaws firmly planted on the floor. Aunt Lil recovered first. She nudged me with her elbow and said with a cackle of delight, "I think you guys should make some more of those brownies, 'cause that boy looks hungry.”

“Garrett must have sensed I was awake. "Hey Detective," he said to Uncle Bob, who was now trudging across the grating toward us. "I think we're losing her. I have no choice but to perform mouth-to-mouth.""Don't you dare," I said, my lids still in lockdown.”