“Least he's committed," I offered."Or needs to be.”

“Does your uncle need anything? A coffee? A latte?” “He needs someone to bear his illegitimate child if you’re interested”

“I gotta tell you, Davidson, I’m impressed,” he said. “That took balls.” “Please,” I said with a snort, “that took ovaries. Of which I have two.” “Have I mentioned that I’m a licensed gynecologist? If your ovaries ever need anything…”

“I shifted in my chair as Dad waited for a response. He seemed determined, his resolve unwavering. This would take tact. Prudence. Possibly Milk Duds.“Are you psychotic?” I asked, realizing my plan to charm and bribe him if need be flew out the window the minute I opened my mouth.”

“Maybe I needed sensitivity training. I once signed up for an anger management class, but the instructor pissed me off.”

“Oh- hey, there," he said. He was shorter than me, pudgy with salt-and-pepper hair that always seemed to be in need of a good conditioning. And he always wore sweatpants and T-shirts that had seen more abuse than narcotics. But he was a good landlord. When my heater stopped working in mid-December, it took him only two weeks to get it fixed. Of course, it took me knocking on his door in need of a warm place to sleep to get it that way, but one night on his sofa, where I'd suddenly developed night terrors and epilepsy, and that puppy was running like a Mercedes the next day. It was awesome.”

“Chocolate and coffee ? Together ? Whoever came up with that combination should have won a Nobel Peace Prize. Or at least a subscription to Reader's Digest.”