“Man, I want to be someone's forbidden fruit.""Well, you are pretty fruity.”

“This is one Fruit Loop beyond certifiable.”

“Before I tell you, I have to know three things," I said."Okay.""One, are you sitting down?""Yes.""Two, are you mentally stable?""More than you'll ever be."Well, that was uncalled for. "And three, how do you spell schizophrenia?""What does that have to do with anything?""Nothing. I just wanted to see if you'd tell me.”

“After a long, labored sigh, I said, “She was really happy when I got there. I’m pretty sure she was suicidal when I left.”“You do have that effect on people.”

“You pretty much annoy me and thus can kiss my ass”

“Man, that woman was quick when she wanted to be. But put her behind the wheel of a Buick...”

“I know what kind of man it takes to get involved with something as barbarous as human trafficking.”“I get it, Swopes. He’s not the kind of man you take home to meet yourstepmom.” I rethought that. “Wait a minute. Maybe my stepmom would like to meet him. Do you think he ships to Istanbul?”