“Man, that woman was quick when she wanted to be. But put her behind the wheel of a Buick...”

Darynda Jones

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“Then I asked her if she wanted to to the funeral, and my God, the look on her face. You'd think I'd asked her to drown the neighbor's cat."Admittedly, drowning the neighbor's cat didn't really clue me in as much as I would've liked. "So, she was angry?"He blinked back to me and stared. Like a long time.”


“I could be irksome when I put my left ventricle into it.”


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“Man, I want to be someone's forbidden fruit.""Well, you are pretty fruity.”


“Cookie dropped her purse and tried to catch it midair. In the process, she knocked over a vase. When she lunged for the vase, she slipped on the tile and overturned an entire table. A lovely handblown piece of glass flew in my direction, and all I could think as I caught it was, Really? Again? We were going to have to practice muscle control.”