“Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that. - T-shirt”

“I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. - T-SHIRT”

“The police never find it as funny as you do.-T-Shirt”

“Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes it's time, and gets to know everyone personally - T-Shirt”

“Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you're done.--T-SHIRT”

“NEVER BE AFRAID TO DART AROUND IN PUBLIC, HUMMING THE MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE THEME SONG. —T-SHIRT”

“Oh- hey, there," he said. He was shorter than me, pudgy with salt-and-pepper hair that always seemed to be in need of a good conditioning. And he always wore sweatpants and T-shirts that had seen more abuse than narcotics. But he was a good landlord. When my heater stopped working in mid-December, it took him only two weeks to get it fixed. Of course, it took me knocking on his door in need of a warm place to sleep to get it that way, but one night on his sofa, where I'd suddenly developed night terrors and epilepsy, and that puppy was running like a Mercedes the next day. It was awesome.”