“See you in a few. Hold down the fort, Mr. Wong!”

“Just in case, though, I stormed into my apartment, tossed a quick hello to Mr. Wong, then rummaged through my entertainment center to lay out all my exorcism equipment. I kept it in my entertainment center because exorcisms were nothing if not entertaining.”

“After a geological epoch passed in which single-celled organisms evolved into talk show hosts, Mr. Coffee was still holding out on me.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Lowell are not receiving."What the hell did that mean? "I'm not throwing a forty-yard pass. I just have a few questions. I think their daughter is in danger.”

“I strode toward Mr. Coffee with lust in my eyes. We'd had a thing for quite some time now Mr. Coffee and I...”

“Before I tell you, I have to know three things," I said."Okay.""One, are you sitting down?""Yes.""Two, are you mentally stable?""More than you'll ever be."Well, that was uncalled for. "And three, how do you spell schizophrenia?""What does that have to do with anything?""Nothing. I just wanted to see if you'd tell me.”

“There are very few personal problems that can't be solved with a suitable application of high explosives.”