“You stir up more hornets' nests than a twelve-year-old boy with a baseball bat. You‘re like Lois Lane on crack.”

“God is a twelve year old boy with Asperger's.”

“A baseball bat could not have hit me harder than that smile did. I was sixteen years old. In that time, how many thousands of smiles had been aimed at me? so why did this one feel like the first?”

“There is no significant idea which cannot be explained to an intelligent twelve year old boy in fifteen minutes.”

“Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.”

“This is what making love must be like, she thinks. At twelve years old, she understands little more than that it will begin with loss - the loss of virginity, the loss of innocence - but that at some point there stands to be a gain.”