“A sense of humor is a measurement of the extent to which we realize that we are trapped in a world almost totally devoid of reason. Laughter is how we express the anxiety we feel at this knowledge.”

“A sense of humor is a measurement of the extent to which you realize that you are trapped in a world almost entirely devoid of reason. Laughter is how you release the anxiety you feel at this knowledge.”

“We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.”

“We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it.”

“We don't shoot somebody soon, I'm gonna forget how”

“Shall we go to Bethlehem, men? Or shall we DANCE”

“Sir,” James asked, “what are we going to do?”“We’re going to look for water,” said Alf.“And food?” said Tubby Ted.“Water first,” said Alf. “We can go days without food.”“We can what?” Tubby Ted shouted.”