“How can you be afraid of women?”“Those ain’t normal women.”

“Black Stache had no love for the Queen, no love for women of any sort, except for his ma. He had a real soft spot for his ma, and was truly sorry for the time he’d marooned her.”

“...when the armed robber of unhappiness knocks over the Keebler cookie display of our complacency, and bangs the samurai sword of negativity on the checkout counter of our dreams, we must not be afraid to hurl the fruit cocktail can of hope.”

“As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse.”

“normal person's weekly chore list:1. clean kitchen.2. clean bathroom.3. clean entire rest of domicile.cleaning impaired person's weekly chore list: 1. don't get peanut butter on sheets.”

“Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably Have around the Home.”

“That is the Wasp, yes. But it was captured by Black Stache, and he’s coming for this ship now.”“And how do you know that?” asked Slank. “Did a seagull tell you?” This brought chuckles from the crew.Something like that, thought Peter.”