“Smee you, idjit!”

“Smee, you are a supreme idjit.""Aye, Cap'n.”

“If Black Stache laughed, you laughed. If he snarled, you snarled. If he breathed in your direction, you ran for cover.”

“Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!”

“If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.”

“As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse.”

“Leonard Aster thanked Fighting Prawn and the Mollusk tribe for their hospitality.“You mean,” said Fighting Prawn, “for not killing you?”“Yes,” said Leonard. “It was very gracious of you.”“Do you,” said Leonard, “I mean, does you tribe, shake hands?”“No,” said Fighting Prawn. “We kiss on the lips.”“Oh,” said Leonard, looking very alarmed.”