“The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremendous boredom.”

“There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. "Hey, YOU!" are the sea's exact words. If the man has a brain in his head, he will hang up the phone immediately.”

“If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.”

“Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!”

“In the words of a very famous dead person, 'A nation that does not know its history is doomed to do poorly on the Scholastic Aptitude Test.”

“Leonard Aster thanked Fighting Prawn and the Mollusk tribe for their hospitality.“You mean,” said Fighting Prawn, “for not killing you?”“Yes,” said Leonard. “It was very gracious of you.”“Do you,” said Leonard, “I mean, does you tribe, shake hands?”“No,” said Fighting Prawn. “We kiss on the lips.”“Oh,” said Leonard, looking very alarmed.”

“All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears - of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark, of speaking before a Rotary Club, and of the words "Some Assembly Required".”