“I hung up the phone, jubilant, and threw myself into a wall, then pretended to be getting electrocuted. I do this when I'm very happy.”

“Suddenly, I don't want to be this person anymore. I don't want to pretend I'm fooling the world when I'm not. I want someone else to have a plan for me, because I'm not doing a very good job myself.”

“Some day I'm gonna call me up on the phone, so when I answer, I can tell myself to shut up.”

“dear today, i spend all of you pretending i'm okay when i'm not, pretending i'm happy when i'm not, pretending about everything to everyone.”

“When I write I pretend I'm telling a story to someone in the room and I don't want them to get up until I'm finished.”

“I picked up the phone and dialed up John on his cell. One ring, and then-"I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE, VINNY!""John?""Oh, Dave. Sorry. I had been having a heated argument here on my phone and then I hung up in disgust. Then when the phone rang I just assumed, without checking, that it was the person I was having an argument with so I just blindly shouted insults into the phone. How embarrassing.""I’m getting sick of that one, John.”