“I’ve been to council estates where there are demonstrations against paedophiles. You stand there, making sure things don’t get too out of hand, thinking, ‘You’re the same parents who sentence your kids to a life of crap jobs, no personal stability, no family life, no support in their learning, no boundaries and no rules.”

“It’s because you’re different. You can’t live life by rules others give you. In that way, you and I are the same. You have to find your own rules. All my life I’ve been running away from their rules, Hayat. All my life. You will be the same.”

“Okay kids,” Ralphie said, trailing me. “Don’t be too late. Don’t do any drugs, drive smart and even if all the other kids are doing it, think twice. If you’re going to be over your curfew then make sure you call your Daddies or we’ll get worried.”

“I don’t know why life isn’t constructed to be seamless and safe, why we make such glaring mistakes, things fall so short of our expectations, and our hearts get broken and out kids do scary things and our parents get old and don’t always remember to put pants on before they go out for a stroll. I don’t know why it’s not more like it is in the movies, why things don’t come out neatly and lessons can’t be learned when you’re in the mood for learning them, why love and grace often come in such motley packaging.”

“You’re always a kid around your parents… Unless they’re acting like children. Then you don’t get the chance.”

“Things I’ve learned the hard way: #1) When you’re making a door-to-door sales pitch, make sure your shorts aren’t so short that your dick dangles out of them.”