“I have always tried to use humor to "help ever" and "hurt never," for I find that to laugh is like swallowing a secret that Santa Claus farted.”

“I use to believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and Tom Cruise too.”

“Wait until you meet the therapist. That bad?Let's just say i can't believe he's a real person.Like Santa Claus?More like if Santa Claus and Ron Jeremy had a child and then that child had a child with Richard Simmons.So, like a leprechaun?Yes, Otter, exactly like a leprechaun.I'm going to tell him I believe in Santa Claus, just to see what happens.I dare you.”

“...I like the way Chee kept God magical, sorta like Santa Claus when you're a kid. More priests should take this approach, because there is a frickin' reason why Santa Claus is more popular than Jesus nowadays.”

“Growing up, it seemed, was just a series of disenchantments. First you find out there's no Santa Claus; then you find out there's no such thing as happily-ever-after.”

“So you don't really believe in love?" I whispered. How could this be? I was crushed. It was like finding out the truth about Santa Claus and the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny in one sitting.”