“arrears, n.My faithfulness was as unthinking as your lapse. Of all the things I though would go wrong, I never thought it would be that."It was a mistake," you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you.”

“It was a mistake," you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you.”

“I want you to spend the night,” you said. And it was definitely your phrasing that ensured it. If you had said, “Let’s have sex,” or “Let’s go to my place,” or even “I really want you,” I’m not sure we would have gone quite as far as we did. But I loved the notion that the night was mine to spend, and I immediately decided to spend it with you.”

“The way yousaid "I love you"said "I'll never sleep with you"said "I will always"kept a list of all your favorite moments in a composition book and would underline the ones involving me with blue ink”

“Seeing it erases any premonitions I might have had, because even if I felt something was wrong, I never would have pictured this.”

“It was your mind. The way you were wired. That was the only thing all the theories had in common. You were manic. You were depressive. You were schizophrenic. You were on drugs. You were on the wrong medication. You needed medication. You heard voices. You'd lost the will to speak. Anxiety. Disorder. Nobody knew for sure, at least nobody who was saying anything. After you left, all the remained were guesses. I would go over everything. Every detail. Every panic. Every sigh. But they never added up to anything but you. I only saw the person. I couldn't see the wiring. I couldn't fix the wiring. I tried I tried I”

“I'm still upset with my mother, though. And scared.If you lose me, I remember her saying when I was little and we'd go to a department store, just let one of those salesladies know, and they will take you to where I can find you. Even though I'm seventeen, I guess I still thought this would always be true-- that there would always be that lost-and-found, and not the lost-and-still-lost that I am now trapped inside.”