“If smart people are parodying it, that's a sure sign that some less smart people are believing it.”

“Ted is smart and good-looking, but he doesn't use it to good effect, like a rich person that never gives to charity.”

“i do not say 'good-bye.' i believe that's one of the bullshittiest words ever invented. it's not like you're given the choice to say 'bad-bye' or 'awful-bye' or 'couldn't-care-less-about-you-bye.' every time you leave, it's supposed to be a good one. well, i don't believe in that. i believe against that.”

“People often say that when couples are married for a long time, they start to look alike. I don't believe that. But I do believe their sentences start to look alike.”

“But there are people you know, and there are people you have a connection with....Wasn't that what make us feel responsible-not for what happened, but responsible for you? We always felt responsible for you. That's the nature of connection-not just the attachment, but the responsibility.”

“Because that's the thing about mean people: They make you think that the world will never work, that there are divides that you will fall into if you approach. It takes a whole lot of good people to fill in the breach created by a single mean one.”

“I don't get this at all. It's like protesting the fact that some people are red-haired.”