“If you have to keep a secret it's because you shouldn't be doing it in the first place.”

“If you have to keep something secret it's because you shouldn't be doing it in the first place!”

“Do you think it's a conspiracy, people secretly ganging up to be nice to you?”

“You know what I can't understand? You have all these people telling you all the time how great you are, smart and funny and talented and all that, I mean endlessly, I've been telling you for years. So why don't you believe it? why do you think people say that stuff, Em? Do you think it's a conspiracy, people secretly ganging up to be nice about you?”

“Your last letter made me laugh so much, Em, but you should still get out of there because while it's good for gags it's definitely bad for your soul. You can't throw years of your life away because it makes a funny anecdote.”

“May cause drowsiness.' - the most beautiful words in the English language. Once it was 'do you have a t-shirt I can borrow?' Now it's 'may cause drowsiness.”

“You were laughing at where I work.""So? You do!""Yes, because I work there. I'm laughing in the face of adversity, you're just laughing in my face!”