“No, this, she felt, was real life and if she wasn’t as curious or passionate as she had once been, that was only to be expected. It would be inappropriate, undignified, at thirty-eight, to conduct friendships or love affairs with the ardour and intensity of a twenty-two-year-old. Falling in love like that? Writing poetry, crying at pop songs? Dragging people into photo-booths, taking a whole day to make a compilation tape, asking people if they wanted to share your bed, just for company? If you quoted Bob Dylan or T.S. Eliot or, God forbid, Brecht at someone these days they would smile politely and step quietly backwards, and who would blame them? Ridiculous, at thirty-eight, to expect a song or book or film to change your life. No, everything had evened out and settled down and life was lived against a general background hum of comfort, satisfaction and familiarity. There would be no more of these nerve-jangling highs and lows. The friends they had now would be the friends they had in five, ten, twenty years’ time. They expected to get neither dramatically richer or poorer; they expected to stay healthy for a little while yet. Caught in the middle; middle class, middle-aged; happy in that they were not overly happy. Finally, she loved someone and felt fairly confident that she was loved in return. If someone asked Emma, as they sometimes did at parties, how she and her husband had met, she told them:‘We grew up together.”
Explore This Quote Further
Analysis:
In this passage from David Nicholls' novel, the protagonist reflects on the changes in her life as she grows older. She acknowledges that as she nears her late thirties, she no longer experiences the same intensity of emotions and relationships that she did in her youth. The quote highlights the idea that as people age, they tend to become more settled, comfortable, and content with their lives. The protagonist no longer expects art or love to have a transformative effect on her, and she is satisfied with the stability and predictability of her existence. This passage captures the bittersweet realization of leaving behind the passionate highs and lows of youth in exchange for the quiet contentment of maturity.
Modern Relevance
In today's fast-paced and technology-driven world, the idea of living a steady and settled life may seem outdated or even boring to some. The concept of maintaining long-lasting friendships and relationships without the intense passion and drama of youth may feel foreign to a generation that thrives on instant gratification and constant excitement. However, this passage highlights the beauty and comfort that can come from a more mature and stable approach to life. It speaks to the value of deep connections, steady companionship, and the contentment that can be found in everyday moments.
Example of Usage
In this passage, the protagonist reflects on the changes in her life as she reaches middle age. She acknowledges the shift in her priorities and expectations, realizing that the passionate intensity of her youth has given way to a more settled and content existence. The passage captures the nostalgia of youth and the acceptance of maturity, highlighting the bittersweet nature of growing older.
Reflection Questions
Reflecting on the passage provided, consider the following questions to delve deeper into the themes of love, aging, and contentment:
- How do societal expectations and norms influence our relationships and expressions of love at different stages of life?
- In what ways does our understanding of love and passion change as we grow older? How do these changes impact our relationships and connections with others?
- What does the passage suggest about the evolution of friendships and romantic relationships over time? How does this portrayal resonate with your own experiences?
- How do you navigate the balance between comfort and familiarity in relationships, and the desire for excitement and passion?
- Reflect on your own expectations for the future in terms of love, friendships, and personal fulfillment. How do these expectations align or differ from those described in the passage?
Similar quotes
“It would be inappropiate, undignified, at 38, to conduct friendships or love affairs with the ardour or intensity of a 22 year old. Falling in love like that? Writing poetry? Crying at pop songs? Dragging people into photobooths? Taking a whole day to make a compilation tape? Asking people if they wanted to share your bed, just for company? If you quoted Bob Dylan or TS Eliot or, god forbid, Brecht at someone these days they would smile politely and step quietly backwards, and who would blame them? Ridiculous, at 38, to expect a song or book or film to change your life.”
“Falling in love like that? Writing poetry, crying at pop songs? Dragging people into photo-booths, taking a while day to make a compilation tape, asking people if they wanted to share your bed, just for company? If you quoted Bob Dylan or T.S. Eliot or, God forbid, Brecht at someone these days they would smile politely and step quietly backwards, and who would blame them?”
“Finally, she loved someone and felt fairly confident that she was loved in return. If someone asked Emma, as they sometimes did at parties, how she and her husband had met, she told them: ‘We grew up together.”
“What are you going to do with your life?" In one way or another it seemed that people had been asking her this forever; teachers, her parents, friends at three in the morning, but the question had never seemed this pressing and still she was no nearer an answer... "Live each day as if it's your last', that was the conventional advice, but really, who had the energy for that? What if it rained or you felt a bit glandy? It just wasn't practical. Better by far to be good and courageous and bold and to make difference. Not change the world exactly, but the bit around you. Cherish your friends, stay true to your principles, live passionately and fully and well. Experience new things. Love and be loved, if you ever get the chance.”
“She sometimes wondered what her twenty-two-year-old self would think of today's Emma Mayhew. Would she consider her self-centered? Compromised? A bourgeois sell-out, with her appetite for home ownership and foreign travel, clothes from Paris and expensive haircuts? Would she find her conventional, with her new surname and hopes for a family life? Maybe, but then the twenty-two-year-old Emma Morley wasn't such a paragon either: pretentious, petulant, lazy, speechifying, judgmental. Self-pitying, self-righteous, self-important, all of the selfs except self-confident, the quality that she always needed most.”
“And they did have fun, though it was of different kind now. All that yearning and passion had been replaced by a steady pulse of pleasure and satisfaction and occasional irritation, and this seemed to be a happy exchange; if there had been moments in her life when she had been more elated, there had never been a time when things had been more constant.”