“If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.”

“If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary, somewhere between 'shit' and 'syphilis'.”

“Are you looking for sympathy? You'll find it in the dictionary between shit and syphilis”

“If nothing else, life in the suburbs promised that you might go from day to day without finding shit in your hair.”

“Shit is the tofu of cursing and can be molded to whichever condition the speaker desires. Hot as shit. Windy as shit. I myself was confounded as shit...”

“But instead I am applying for a job as an elf. Even worse than applying is the very real possibility that I will not be hired, that I couldn't even find work as an elf. That's when you know you're a failure.”

“When shit brings you down, just say 'fuck it', and eat yourself some motherfucking candy.”