“I know the Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider can't fly because if it could, it would have a different name entirely. We would call it "sir" because it would be the dominant species on the planet. None of us would leave the house unless a Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider said it was okay”

“On Accidentally Eating Dog Treats“Snausages? I’ve been eating dog treats? Why the fuck would you put them on the counter where the rest of the food is? Fuck it, they’re delicious. I will not be shamed by this.”

“That had to be the craziest thing he'd heard. At some point they must've looked around and said, "Hey, what do we have a shitload of?" "Mud! It's cold and wet. I know, let's burn it!" "Well, it ain't good for nothing else."What the hell? He supposed if fish could have legs, then mud could burn. Spider or nor spider, if their cats started flying, he would be out of here like a rocket.”

“The hCG protocol would revolutionize our culture. Not only because of the mass reduction in obesity, but because when people are able to develop emotional strength and well-being without needing to eat, society would be healthier, happier, and more productive. Eating less, not because we have to, but because we want to.”

“I was wondering — I mean — could there be some mistake? Because nobody called me and Scrubb, you know. It was we who asked to come here.You would not have called me unless I had been calling you.”

“The bird fights its way out of the egg. The egg is the world. Who would be born must first destroy a world. The bird flies to God. That God's name is Abraxas.”