“I would rather have a free bottle in front of me than a pre-frontal lobotomy”

“I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”

“I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”

“The half-full bottle in front of me, is better than a full-frontal lobotomy.”

“The reason I drink is because when I'm sober I think I'm Eddie Fisher.”

“I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.”

“I’d hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that’s as good as you’re going to feel all day.”