“Good guy. There was efficiency to male language. Those two words were what guys said about other guys that they really respected. Guys they could count on, that were solid, whose word you trusted...The language for the other kind of men-even more efficient. Cut down to a single word they deserved. Asshole.”

“Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating.”

“What is it about those two words - I'm sorry - that makes otherwise articulate guys into babbling idiots?”

“Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful, and multiply'. But not in those words.”

“Dude," I said, making the word a disgusted sound. "Single guys everywhere hate you. Starting with me.”

“What the hell does liberty mean anyhow? It's just a word like house or table or any other word. Only it's a special kind of word. A guy says house and he can point to a house to prove it. But a guy says come on let's fight for liberty and he can't show you liberty. He can't prove the thing he is talking about so how in the hell can he be telling you to fight for it?”