“I hit you. Won’t that make you go away? What else can I do?” he snarled. He’d fallen back on his old standby, anger.“I’m not going away, Cole, so maybe we can cut out the assaults in the future. You don’t want me to go away. I know that. You love me, Cole. That’s the feeling that makes you so angry.” She’d sighed and looked at the ceiling. “You don’t know what to do with it, because the people you’ve loved in the past caused you pain. That’s what you think love is. Pain.”She’d looked at his face until he met her eyes. They were still green.“But, Cole, I love you. Have I hurt you? Ever?”Cole had to shake his head. She hadn’t. Not once.“I’m showing you what to do with love, Cole.” She stood and held out her arms.A hug. A simple hug he didn’t have to earn by throwing a chair. Human contact that wasn’t required because he was trying to hurt someone. She still trusted him. She still saw something in him.”

“Damn it,” he gasped as she pressed gently.She continued stroking and sucking, planning to finish him still standing, just so she could see his knees shake. But Cole stepped back and away from her tender touches.“Get on the bed, Kyle.” His hands trembled.“Cole, you promised. I want to do this for you.” Kyle was suddenly worried. Didn’t he trust her?“That’s not it. I just—your legs, your head moving, your hands. I need to taste you. Get on the bed.” Cole offered a hand to her, helping her from her knees.”

“And they had no idea what lives inside me, what I can do.”“I know what you do to me,” Kyle said, finding his eyes. “It’s everything right, honest, and good.” She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his lips.“Kyle, I’m intense and devoted, and I need a lot of direction just to get through my day.”“Cole, I’m impulsive and devoted and hopeless. I have a filthy mouth, and I don’t see it cleaning up anytime soon.”“I would like to make love to you. Here. Right now,” Cole said, continuing his confession. “But I’m afraid I’ll lose you, that you’ll leave your body and go somewhere else. Will you stay with me?”“I’m your shadow now, Cole. I’ll be where you are.” Kyle set her jaw, determined.“Okay,” he said. “This is how it’ll go. I’m going to give you pleasure. And you’re going to take it. No reciprocating.” He instantly saw doubt in her face. “Please, this time—which will be the first of so many—let me make you happy. Let my touch cleanse you. When I’m done, I want your body to belong just to us.” He could feel himself smiling, just thinking about it.”

“But then Cole ran for her, sliding on his knees to close the final distance between his hands and her skin. Kyle wrapped his head in her arms, cradling him.“My sweet Cole. That’s better. That’s better.” Kyle braced her hands on his shoulders and slowly lowered herself to her knees. She put her hands on his cheeks and waited until he looked at her. “You forgot something last night.”Cole looked puzzled.“You made me promise you something. Now you owe me a promise.”Cole nodded somberly.“Be the real Cole. Promise me you will be you.” Kyle’s voice was strong and sure.Cole felt his heart soar with her embrace, settling the feelings inside him. “Kyle, I’ve done so much wrong. I think I’m done being the real Cole. How much hurt can I cause?” He could hardly speak through his fear.She smiled again. “I’ve done my own share of wrong, but look. Look around. We’re in the perfect place.”The church looked like paradise. A frame of broken rainbows arched above the lovers on their knees.Cole held her face to his, whispering, “Help me.”Kyle gave him the absolution he needed with her lips.”

“Come on, sweetheart. I’m letting you do this. Do it.” When she didn’t respond, he added, “Listen, I know it’s easier when they’re not fucking looking at you.”Beckett turned and faced the wall.“I don’t know who hired you, but can I ask you for something?” He talked at the wall.Here comes the fast-talking, the mojo, the shout to his employees.“Could you make sure Cole doesn’t take credit for his handiwork last night? And can you follow up on that Chris guy?” Beckett turned his head a bit, listening for her answer.He still trusts me. He still trusts me with his brothers. I can’t do it.”

“Kyle, I was so afraid.” Cole lifted his head from the comfort of her bosom to see her face again.She smoothed back his wild, knotted hair. “It’s you. It’s you. It’s you.”A crowd in the doorway interrupted their loving revelation. Nurse Susan stormed into the room.Cole ignored them all and kissed Kyle’s sleepy lips. “I love you, Kyle. Thank you for being alive. They didn’t hurt you, did they?”Kyle sighed. “They hurt me so much when they took you, Cole. That’s the worst pain on earth. The worst.” Kyle kissed his forehead and ran her hands over his back. “I’m your shadow. I love you too.”

“He’d stood like a baby deer. He lurched toward her with no grace at all. She enclosed him in a hug that was so much better than a restraint. She’d patted his head just like a mother. Like a mother who cared.Cole’s body had heaved with tears. She kept hugging him. She handed his heart back the dreams it had thrown away.“That’s it, sweetheart. Let it out.” She rubbed his back.Her shirt was soaked by the time he stopped crying. They sat down together again.“I’ve read your file,” Mrs. D said. “What your parents did to you was terrible. It was a horrible, horrible mistake. You should’ve been cherished. You should’ve been treated like the beautiful little boy you are. They were wrong, Cole.” She held his hand. “I’m sorry for what they did to you.”Cole’s mind had flashed with images from his time before Evergreen. The cage. The belt. The drugs. They still made him feel scared.“You’re going to make it. You’ll be a great, thoughtful, proud man. I can see it. I know it as sure as I know my name.” She wouldn’t let go of his hand.“I’m always awful. How can you know that?” Cole’s voice remained thick with tears.“I’ve been doing this job for twenty-five years. I know a good one when I see him.”