“Rhubarb, I would have proposed when you were in pigtails and bobby sox.”

“Hey, Rhubarb, we may need to rethink our approach.”“No, we don’t.”“I’ve only got one hand here, kiddo. Maybe if I grab the middle-”“If you grab the middle, it’ll be the last thing that hand ever does!”He pondered that as if it explained something. “So I’m guessing then you don’t get a lot of company down here.”“Bobby, so help me, I will rip your arm off and beat you with it, do you hear me?”“Okay, geez. Let me just get a look—” He picked her skirt up and pulled it over his head.“Bobby!” She was actually too mortified to even scream so it came out like a squeak from a dying rat.“Dammit, there’s no light under here, can’t see a thing.”Thank God for small blessings. “Get out of there!”“Tell you what, how about you use your spare hand and I use mine on either side of your hips and we yank together.”

“I hate you. You are the reason fungus exists. You are the slime that grows in swamps that even acid can’t break down—”“How long do you plan to keep this up, Rhubarb?”“Why?”“Because I was going to hail down a bottle of beer and I figured you might get thirsty having your mouth open so much.”“Make it a white wine and I’ll keep it short.”“No, you won’t, but it might slow you down. Be right back.”

“You know why I’ve always liked your mouth, Rhubarb?” he asked in that whispery voice again, but it was twice as intimate as before. He let go of his prizes and reached up his free hand to rub his thumb over the bottom edge of her lip. Those shivers started again. “Even when you’re calling me names, it’s the perfect shape for kissing.”“There’s no shape for kissing.” She wasn’t quite sure how the words came out. Her brain was completely disconnected and so her mouth had to be on auto-pilot. Which explained why it didn’t do anything when his eyes closed and his lips descended to hers.”

“She eyed him but said nothing. Why did he always have to pull out the truth?“It’s not like I haven’t seen you pee before. Go ahead.”“Eww, you have not!”“Yup, you were six and you had to go and there was no one else to take you.”Oh God...she’d been so humiliated she must have blanked it from her memory.”

“I feel you. Inside. In the parts of me I crushed the night my mother died. No matter how I tried to keep you out, you got in and I couldn't let you leave me behind. So listen to me when I say this. My life is yours. You're the reason I'll stay alive. The only goddamn reason.”

“Fine!' she snapped, the desperation to have him growing exponentially now. 'I missed you. Only you. No man could ever make me feel like you do. I'm ruined for all others. I renamed all my vibrators after you and none of them get me off like you can. Happy now?'His eyes glazed for a second. '*All* your vibrators?'-Convicted”