“I did it all for me. Purely selfish. I worshiped the art and the act ofdeath, over and over. It’s as simple as that. Afterwards it was allsexual confusion, symbolism, honoring the “fallen.” I was honoringmyself. I hated the decay and the dissection. There was nosadistic pleasure in the killing. I killed them as I would like to bekilled myself, enjoying the extremity of the death act itself. If I didit to myself I could only experience it once. If I did it to others, Icould experience the death act over and over again.—Dennis Nilsen”

“It took me years to get over you. Truth is, I never did fully get over you. I just learned to live without you. I can't ever do that again. It almost killed me. And as much as I would love to kiss you right now, I have to protect myself. It can't happen. I'm sorry.”

“Death has always had a prominent place in my mind. There are times when I think somebody might kill me.”

“If I am killed, I can die but once; but to live in constant dread of it, is to die over and over again.”

“I don’t think so, dude. Gabriel would kill me. And then Scarlet would kill me. And they could just keep on killing me over and over again because I don’t ever die. Do you know how much that would suck?”

“I try to keep in mind” I recite dryly as I run the front sight of my pistol over his face, “that my life is only as significant, as I am to the lives of others.”He’s sobbing and won’t look up from the floor so I lean close to his ear and ask softly, “Would you say that I’m significant to your life?”

“This is your birthday treat, and you're supposed to enjoy it, I reminded myself. It was part of my normal existence to give myself instructions like this. Maybe other people acted and lived in total naturalness. I often wondered if they did. But me? I needed an operating manual.”