“Can I ask you a question? You know with vampires and werewolves and goblins and things, is there any mythological creature that doesn't actually exist?""Of course," he replied. "The unicorn and the leprechaun would be would be the two main ones. The Loch Ness Monster isn't real, either, that's just someone called Bert.”

“Clarabelle laughed like she'd just heard the funniest thing ever. "Of course you HOPE you won't die, Valkyrie! Who would HOPE to die? That's just SILLY! But you probably WILL die, that's what I'm saying. Don't you think so?”

“Look, this is all very, very weird. Why are you focusing on rumours and urban legends? You haven’t even asked me any normal questions.”“Normal questions? Like what?”“Like, I don’t know, like if Lynch had any enemies.”“Did Lynch have any enemies?”“Well, not that I know of, no.”“Then there really was no point in me asking that, was there? Unless you wanted to distract me. You didn’t want to distract me, did you, Kenny?”“No, that’s not—”“Are you playing a game with me, Kenny?”“I don’t know what you’re—”Inspector Me leaned forward. “Did you kill him?”“No!”“It’d be OK if you did.”Kenny recoiled, horrified. “How would that be OK?”“Well,” Me said, “maybe not”

“You want to see safe hands?' her dad asked. He went to the fruit bowl on the side of the table, took two apples and proceeded to juggle them. 'See? Safe as anything.' 'Are you proposing you juggle our newborn child?''Of course not,' he said. 'I'd only be able to juggle her if you'd had twins. Otherwise it would just be throwing.'(...) 'From this moment on, I will be the best father the world has ever seen. Wifey, may I please hold my child?' Valkyrie's mum looked at him suspiciously. 'When you hold a baby, what's the most important thing to remember?''Not to drop it,' he said proudly.'Well, yes, well done dear, but I was thinking more about how you hold the baby.''Ah,' he said, 'Of course. The secret to holding a baby is to pick it up by the scruff of its neck.''You're thinking of kittens.''Pick it up by the ears, then.''You're thinking of nothing.' 'Can I please just hold her?''I don't think that's wise.' 'A lot of things aren't wise, Melissa. Is crossing the road with your eyes closed wise? No, but I do it anyway.'His wife nodded. 'Stephanie, you are in charge of teaching Alice how to cross the road.”

“Was it a test?” she asked. “I mean, I know I'm still new to this. I'm still the rookie. Did you hang back to test me, to see if I'd be able to handle it alone?”“Well, kind of,” he said. “Actually, no, nothing like that. My shoelace was untied. That's why I was late. That's why you were alone.”“I could have been killed because you were tying your SHOELACE?”“An untied shoelace an be dangerous,” he said. “I could have tripped.”She stared at him. A moment dragged by.“I'm joking,” he said at last.She relaxed. “Really?”“Absolutely. I would never have tripped. I'm far too graceful”

“Of course I want to kill you," said Skulduggery. "I want to kill most people. But then where would I be? In a field of dead people with no one to talk to.”

“You can only anticipate what someone is going to do if you know exactly what that someone has just done.' --Skulduggery”