“Found something?”“No, sorry. I thought I had, but, no, it turned out to be, uh… more floor.”

Derek Landy

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Quote by Derek Landy: “Found something?”“No, sorry. I thought I had, bu… - Image 1

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“The Torment turned his head to him, and frowned. "Who are you?""I'm... sorry? It's me, it's Vaurien. Vaurien Scapegrace. I... built the cellar for you?""Oh," the Torment said. "You. Why are you back? I thought you were dead. It would have been nice if you were dead”


“Can I just point something out?" Fletcher asked. "That is an awful plan. On a scale of one to ten - the Trojan War being a ten and General Custer verus all those Indians being a one - your plan is a zero. I don't think it is a plan at all. I think it's just a series of happenings that are, to be honest, unlikely to follow on from each other in the way in which everyone's probably hoping.""Do you have a better plan?" Valkyrie asked."Of course not. I'm a man of action, not thought."Valkyrie nodded. "You're definitely not a man of thought.""Why are you in charge anyway? What do you know about organising something like this?""I have faith," Tanith said."As do I," said Ghastly.Valkyrie smiled at them gratefully. "So you think the plan will work?""God, no," said Ghastly."Sorry, Val," said Tanith”


“I'm sorry? No more smooches is worse than the world ending?”


“We may need to focus here.' 'Right. Yes. OK. Turn around.' 'Are you going to throw something at me?''What? No, I'm getting out of bed.”


“It's really not as bad as it sounds. I was attacked by a shark once, back when I was alive. Well, not so much a shark as a rather large fish. And not so much attacked as looked at menacingly. But it had murder in its eyes, that fish. I knew, in that instant, if our roles had been reversed and the fish had been holding the fishing pole and I had been the one to be caught, it wouldn't hesitate a moment before eating me. So I cooked it and ate before it had a chance to turn the tables.”


“I was wondering how you were going to punish me for not confiding in you. Punishment, actually, is something I've thought about for a long time. What form of punishment would be enough for what I did? Imprisonment? Death? Something else? Something scarier? I could only think of so many horrible tortures before they stopped having meaning. But you' you've come up with a punishment I never considered. You're going to sulk me to death.”