“Found something?”“No, sorry. I thought I had, but, no, it turned out to be, uh… more floor.”

“I wanted to say that I was sorry, but not for the obvious. I was sorry that I had turned out to be such a big disappointment. Sorry that I couldn’t make things better. Sorry that everything I touched turned to crap. Seeing Mom cry had torn me up. Until finally she said something. “What happened to your hair? Did you do that?” At that moment, I hated Britney Spears.”

“Having achieved what I thought was an ultimate ambition, I found, as I think is often the case, that there remained something more.”

“Jessica?" "Oh, uh… sorry, François. I had to go to the bathroom." "What? Why?" Crud. Vampires didn't have to potty. "To get my… lotion. I have dry hands.”

“Before I had a chance to feel too sorry for myself, I turned toward the front of the cabin and found the bookcases carved right into the wall. Hundreds of leather-bound volumes rested in dim alcoves. I had no idea what stories or information they held. It didn’t matter. I wanted to absorb anything they had to say.”

“When I found him lying in the ditch holding a shovel, I thought he was sleeping on the job. Turns out he was being even lazier, and he was in fact dead. 
”