“You should have called us. Desmond would have picked you up.''No I wouldn't,' Valkyrie's dad said, stepping into earshot. 'Sorry, Fletcher, but I had important fatherly duties to take care of, which included eating breakfast, showering, and finding my trousers. Of those three, I only managed two. Without looking down, can you guess which one I missed?'... Fletcher smiled back. 'I just want to borrow Stephanie for a moment.''Take our daughter,' Valkryie's dad said, waving a hand airily. 'We have another one now.”

“Skulduggery.""Fletcher."Fletcher stuck out his hand. Skulduggery observed it for a moment."I'm sorry, what are we doing now?""Shaking hands," Fletcher said. "Like adults. I just want you to know that this past year has changed me. I've grown, as a person. I'm not the same Fletcher you used to know."You look a lot like him.""Well, yeah, but-""And you have the same ridiculous hair.""Can we just shake hands?""Of course we can," Skulduggery said, and they shook. "Now what?""I, uh...I don't really know. What do adults usually do after they shake hands?""Generally, the first thing they do is let go.""Oh, right," Fletcher said, and Skulduggery took his hand back. "So, Skulduggery, how have you been? You're looking well. That's a really nice tie."It's blue.""And such a nice shade."Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie. "You promised me he wouldn't be annoying.”

“Can I just point something out?" Fletcher asked. "That is an awful plan. On a scale of one to ten - the Trojan War being a ten and General Custer verus all those Indians being a one - your plan is a zero. I don't think it is a plan at all. I think it's just a series of happenings that are, to be honest, unlikely to follow on from each other in the way in which everyone's probably hoping.""Do you have a better plan?" Valkyrie asked."Of course not. I'm a man of action, not thought."Valkyrie nodded. "You're definitely not a man of thought.""Why are you in charge anyway? What do you know about organising something like this?""I have faith," Tanith said."As do I," said Ghastly.Valkyrie smiled at them gratefully. "So you think the plan will work?""God, no," said Ghastly."Sorry, Val," said Tanith”

“I also think Valkyire’s ex-boyfriend will come in handy here.”Ravel frowned, “The dead vampire?”Valkyrie glared at him, “I think he means Fletcher.”“Oh. Sorry.”“Caelen was never my boyfriend.”“I didn’t mean to-““We never talk about Caelen,” Ghastly muttered.”“I’m really sorry, Valkyrie, Ravel said. “Fletcher’s great. He’s wonderful. I’m sure he’d be delighted to help, and having a teleporter here will certainly solve some problems. We’ll arrange that, we’ll get him over to you, start the ball rolling, as it were. Once again, sorry about bringing up the vampire.”Ghastly shot him a look whispered, “Why do you keep talking about him?”“I can’t help it,” Ravel whispered back. “Now he’s all I can think about.”“You realise,” Valkyrie said, “that we can hear you both perfectly well.”

“You want to see safe hands?' her dad asked. He went to the fruit bowl on the side of the table, took two apples and proceeded to juggle them. 'See? Safe as anything.' 'Are you proposing you juggle our newborn child?''Of course not,' he said. 'I'd only be able to juggle her if you'd had twins. Otherwise it would just be throwing.'(...) 'From this moment on, I will be the best father the world has ever seen. Wifey, may I please hold my child?' Valkyrie's mum looked at him suspiciously. 'When you hold a baby, what's the most important thing to remember?''Not to drop it,' he said proudly.'Well, yes, well done dear, but I was thinking more about how you hold the baby.''Ah,' he said, 'Of course. The secret to holding a baby is to pick it up by the scruff of its neck.''You're thinking of kittens.''Pick it up by the ears, then.''You're thinking of nothing.' 'Can I please just hold her?''I don't think that's wise.' 'A lot of things aren't wise, Melissa. Is crossing the road with your eyes closed wise? No, but I do it anyway.'His wife nodded. 'Stephanie, you are in charge of teaching Alice how to cross the road.”

“What is it?' Stephanie whispered.'That, my dear Valkyrie, is what we call a monster.'She looked at Skulduggery. 'You don't know what it is, do you?''I told you what it is, it's a horrible monster. Now shut up before it comes over here and eats us.”

“This is your last chance to do the right thing.''Do you want to attack first, or will I?'Skulduggery held up a finger. 'Do you mind if I confer with my colleague for a moment?' 'By all means.'Skulduggery leaned in towards Valkyrie. 'Damn,' he whispered. 'She's not going to do the right thing.''Did you really think she would?''I was really hoping.''Can we beat her?' Valkyrie asked.'I don't like our chances.''What are our chances?''We don't have any,' Skulduggery admitted. 'Do you think you can take Craven on your own?' 'No.''Me either. Do you want to leave him to me then, and you can take her?''I like that idea even less.''I don't blame you.' She sighed. 'We're going to get killed, aren't we?''It looks likely. Our only hope is a surprise attack.''They're staring right at us.''Dammit.' Skulduggery straightened up. 'We have discussed the situation,' he said to them, 'and decided that it would be in everyone's best interests for me to fight you, Melancholia, and for both Valkyrie and Cleric Craven to stand back and cheer or boo as they see fit.”