“I don’t know why you’re crying… but I hope it’s because you’re as in love with me half as much as I am in love with you.”

“I still loved him. I never stopped loving him, and never stopped hoping that he would fall back in love with me as well.”

“So, how’s big Kev?”“Oh, you mean my father?”“Yeah.”“He may be six-foot-five, but you’re a much bigger person, Dad.”

“One drunken evening filled with passion, carelessness and Jagermeister.”

“The diaper bag, the car seat, the bottles, the pacifiers, the changing mat, the wipes, and all the toys in their primary colored glory; none of which would compliment my outfit.”

“Because I feel as if I let it down. As if it needed something from me, I was its only hope, and now that hope is gone.''What penis doesn’t try to make you feel that way?”

“Yesterday I attempted suicide and I almost DIED. I won't be trying that again.”