“Truth grew in my mind like a fungus, and though I tried to sleep it out, there was no resisting the epiphanies.”

“A sickly little smile grew and died on his mouth like a fungus.”

“Caring about him was like trying to love a tree stump - a cold, mean-spirited paternalistic tree stump. With fungus.”

“Do you want the truth or the politically correct version? The truth is that I go plastic, it's so much easier. And I like to put the bags over my head at night when I sleep, which I think all the kids at home should try. Kidding!! ”

“But I was not especially skilled at minding children for long spells; I grew bored, perhaps like my own mother. After I spent too much time playing their games, my mind grew peckish and longed to lose itself in some book I had in my backpack. I was ever hopeful of early bedtimes and long naps.”

“Have you dared to eat my son?"I laughed. Actually, it started out as more of a giggle that grew. Because my mind went straight to the gutter.”