“All I have to be thankful for in this world is that I was sitting down when my garter busted.”

“I needed to sit down. I'd heard other people talk about having to sit down when shocked by an event or revelation and I had dismissed the notion as pure exaggeration. Little did I realize the actual physical weakness. It felt as if my bones had dissolved and my muscles could no longer support my weight.”

“JOH! Thank God I found you.”“I have 9022 gods listed in my database. Must I thank all of them?”

“My boy, you shall be everything in the world, animal, vegetable, mineral, protista, or virus, for all I care-before I have done with you-but you will have to trust my superior backsight. The time is not yet ripe for you to be a hawk... so you may as well sit down for the moment and learn to be a human being.”

“I have lived to thank God that all my prayers have not been answered.”

“You are a wonderful son, and a wonderful man.Yet another parent busting forth with the “man” thing! I’d have to check my chest for signs of hair when I got home.”