“Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life.”

“Now, look, baby, 'Union' is spelled with 5 letters. It is not a four-letter word.”

“The sweeter the apple, the blacker the core. Scratch a lover and find a foe.”

“Why is it no one sent me yet one perfect limousine, do you suppose? Ah no, it's always just my luck to get one perfect rose.”

“Oh, both my shoes are shiny new,And pristine is my hatMy dress is 1922…My life is all like that.”

“In youth, it was a way I had,To do my best to please.And change, with every passing ladTo suit his theories.But now I know the things I knowAnd do the things I do,And if you do not like me so,To hell, my love, with you.”

“It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.”