“Woman wants monogamy;Man delights in novelty.Love is woman's moon and sun;Man has other forms of fun.Woman lives but in her lord;Count to ten, and man is bored.With this the gist and sum of it,What earthly good can come of it?”

“I regret to say that during the first act of this, I fell so soundly asleep that the gentleman who brought me piled up a barricade of overcoat, hat, stick, and gloves between us to establish a separation in the eyes of the world, and went into an impersonation of A Young Man Who Has Come to the Theater Unaccompanied.”

“The sun's gone dim, and the moon's gone black. For I loved him, and he didn't love back.”

“Where's the man that could ease a heart like a satin gown?”

“I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.”

“People Who Do Things exceed my endurance;God, for a man that solicits insurance!”

“That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.”