“The only thing my mother told me about sex was that I was never going to get any.”

“Like most Michigan natives, Ferguson had a vague knowledge of a thing called barbecue, but had never actually eaten any. He was, however, intimately familiar with whiskey.”

“I know a lot of things about you, Garth...And I'm rooting for you anyways.”

“The only good thing about that decision, Gatt, is that I'll get tea before you.”

“One day I saw the big jaguar,Calypso, jump up from the sand and run quickly, snarling, into the jungle. I looked around and the monkeys were jumping and screeching in the trees. Gazing across the water I saw something moving out there, getting closer. It was a canoe with three men paddling towards my shore. I started to smile and then I worried that they might want to kill me. I ran to my house and brought out my bow and arrows. I stood there on the beach, with my feet shoulder-width apart, and prepared for their arrival.”

“I’m working as hard as I can to get my life and my cash to run out at the same time. If I can just die after lunch Tuesday, everything will be perfect.”

“As it happens, I’m a terrible dancer. Bears are simply not made for dancing. We’re much better at sitting and sleeping and singing. But there are humans who catch bears and force us to dance. It’s agony. And there are other humans who pay to watch us.’Hannah sighed. ‘I suppose you’re right to distrust humans.’‘And that is why I must eat you,’ said the bear forlornly. ‘For the benefit of the entire bear population of the world. I’m awfully sorry about this.’‘That’s all right.’ Hannah shrugged her shoulders. ‘Is there any point in my trying to run away?’‘None. We bears may not be able to dance but we are experts when it comes to chasing things.’‘What if I climb a tree?’‘I’ll climb up after you, or push the tree over. It all depends on what sort of tree you choose to climb. Either way, you’ll end up eaten.’‘So be it,’ said Hannah. ‘How should I prepare myself?’‘I beg your pardon?’‘Will you eat me with my clothes on?’‘Of course. Otherwise it would be bad manners.”