“I thought it would be such a sick joke to have to remain to be alive for decades and not believe in or feel anything.”

“I don’t have the heart to tell my sons that the older one gets, the less funny literature becomes—and they would refuse to believe me if I tried to explain that some people don’t think jokes even belong in proper books. I won’t bother breaking the news that, if they remain readers, they will insist on depressing themselves for about a decade of their lives, in a concerted search of gravitas through literature.”

“Whenever I'm sick, my doctor jokes that I have Beiber Fever!”

“In a perfectworld I would be taller, you would be alive,and chickens could cross the road withoutbeing the subject of a joke.”

“I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it.”

“I'm sick of staring at what I want, I thought. I'd do anything to hold it in my hands.”