“Time held me green and dyingThough I sang in my chains like the sea.”

“I sang in my chains like the sea”

“Astrud Gilberto sang an old bossa nova song. “Take me to Aruanda,” she sang. I closed my eyes, and the clatter of the cups and saucers sounded like the roar of a far-off sea. Aruanda—what’s it like there?”

“I was feeling like all that crazy sea inside me was settling into a calm. He had drawn it all out of the bottle I kept it in, but when I looked up at him like that, it settled, because if my wild insides were a sea, those gray eyes were the world's biggest fucking bowl, and they held me. Caught me and held me and bore me up.”

“I sang from my belly, from my intricate system of female parts, and from those sacs inside me that wouldn't show up on an ultrasound but held all the rocks and stones and broken glass of want and need I'd managed to collect in seventeen years.”

“I stared at the creased map on my wall, the thin green lineconnecting all the places I had read about. There they were, all thecities of my imaginary future, held together with tape and marker andpins. In six months, a lot had changed. There was no thin green linethat could lead me to my future anymore. Just a girl.”