“There will be all these fifty-year-old women wearing hot pants and squeezing themselves into pretzel shapes and then there will be me. Just reaching for my toes like they're China. 'Hello there! You're so far away, I can't get to you! Can you even hear me?”

“Bunny slippers remind me of who I am.You can't get a swelled head if you wear bunny slippers. You can't lose your sense of perspective and start acting like a star or a rich lady if you keep on wearing bunny slippers. Besides, bunny slippers give me confidence because they're so jaunty. They make a statement; they say, 'Nothing the world does to me can ever get me so far down that I can't be silly and frivolous.”

“I can´t help it. You´re just so sexy in those baggy-ass pants. I got to get me a pair, ´cause nothing says hotness like wearing what looks like two Heftys stitched together at your racket and balls.´”

“Hello toes," I say. They're good toes. I like that they're long and slender and not the slightest bit stubby. I wiggle them, ten unstubby waves that say, "And hello to you, Human Host!"Except they're toes. I'm talking to my toes. Maybe I'm not bored... maybe I'm lonely?”

“I like being a woman, even in a man's world. After all, men can't wear dresses, but we can wear the pants.”

“you boys can keep your virgins give me hot old women in high heels with asses that forgot to get old.”