“I’ve learnt that you’ve got to be really non-apologetic... You’ve got to say, ‘Hi, I’m here, can I have a cup of tea? And one of those biscuits?’ If you say that, it’s fine. If you go in and say, ‘Excuse me, I’m a transvestite, I’ll be in the corner, I won’t be a problem, I’ll face away,’ everyone will go, ‘Oh-oh, problem case in the corner.’ So don’t apologise.”

“The thing is, what I’m tryin‘ to say is—they do get on a lot better without me, I can’t help them any. They ain’t mean. They buy me everything I want, but it’s now—you’ve-got-it-go-play-with-it. You’ve got a roomful of things. I-got-you-that-book-so-go-read-it.”

“Okay, rule number one: if you do not understand something, you need to stop me and tell me you don’t understand. If I ask if you’ve got it and you say you’ve got it but you don’t really have it, then it’s not my fault that you haven’t got it. Got it?”

“Heck, can’t you even try to see it my way? You’ve got children of your own, but I’m older than you. When mine are grown I’ll be an old man if I’m still around, but right now I’m—if they don’t trust me they won’t trust anybody. Jem and Scout know what happened. If they hear of me saying downtown something different happened—Heck, I won’t have them any more. I can’t live one way in town and another way in my home.”

“I don’t want you going there without me, ever…do you understand what I am saying?” he asks me, searching my face, probably looking for any sign of dissention.“Let me get this straight, what if I got a craving for…I don’t know…Twinkies in the wee hours of the morning and all that was open was the Seven-Eleven. You’re saying I should wake you up, even if you’re crashed out, just so that you can go with me on a treat run?” I ask skeptically, trying to gauge his level of commitment to this course of action.“Genevieve, Twinkies are really bad for you, but if you had to have one, then yes, that’s what I’m saying,” he smiles at my scenario. “Do you really like those things?”“I’m not going to tell you if you’re going to tease me, but I will say that it’s suspiciously inhuman not to enjoy a Hostess snack from time to time,” I reply coyly. “I’ll buy you one. You’ll love it, I promise.”And I’ll be doing the world a favor at the same time, I think, remembering him without his shirt on.”

“Look, I’m not trying to upset you, but, lately, you have this really bad habit of going for the jugular the micro-second someone says anything you don’t like. You’re so focused on winning every battle that you don’t even realize you’re losing the war. I’m sure it feels good in the short-term but, Ivy, it’s childish. You’ve got to start considering the consequences of your actions before going off half-cocked all the time. Otherwise, one day you’re gonna look around and realize you’ve run everyone off who cares about you.”