“Christian, you are the state lottery, the cure for cancer, and the three wishes from Aladdin's lamp all rolled into one”

“Death is a cure to a lot of things like cancer and disease and happiness, although I'm not sure anyone would want to be cured of happiness. And some might not want to be cured from cancer if that cure means death, because then they aren't alive anymore and being alive with cancer is something.”

“Generally speaking, all true children's stories make promises to their readers. Here you are, they say, unhandy and short, and there is a big world that one day will be yours. Listen to how it happened for Cinderella once upon a time, and Jack with his beanstalk, and Aladdin with his lamp.”

“If a magic genie, from a lamp, offered me three wishes, I'd use one to wish you a happy birthday. So 33 percent would be spent in your celebration. I only offer that statistic so you don't think me chintzy when you find this card void of cash.”

“I'm like the fucking Three Stooges of espionage. All three of 'em. All rolled into one!”

“That smile could end wars and cure cancer.”