“Nothing helped until the day she took a tablet and pencil into the basement and moved the event out of her and onto paper, where it was reshaped into a kind of simple equation: loss equaled the need to love again, more.”

“Did she ever think of that, that things experienced in ways different from hers were equally valuable? That the way that he chose to love her was, in fact, loving her, that the face of love depended on the person giving it?”

“You know, sometimes marriage is iron. Sometimes it’s tissue paper. And Ithink the times it’s tissue paper are when you need to keep things to yourself. Or you can end up making a mistake that you’ll regret forever.”

“Well, anyway, her death changed our lives for the better, because it brought a kind of awareness, a specific sense of purpose and appreciation we hadn't had before. Would I trade that in order to have her back? In a fraction of a millisecond. But I won't ever have her back. So I have taken this, as her great gift to us. But. Do I block her out? Never. Do I think of her? Always. In some part of my brain, I think of her every single moment of every single day.”

“Oh just wait. It takes a lot of time, that's all...You'll have come to a certain kind of appreciation that moves beyond all the definitions of love you've ever had. A certain richness happens only later in life. I guess its' a kind of mellowing. p 80talking about marriage and husbands”

“Whenever Sadie sees engagement rings, she feels a strange mix of emotions: a kind of excitement mixedwith a vague sadness. A longing for a speci??c kind of inclusion she both aspires to and fears. And, oddly, she feels a sense of failure, ofshame. She knows it’s nonsensical, but there it is, big inside her, this sense of having screwed everything up, of having lost something shenever had.”

“Here is the knowledge, so easy and mean: find what they love and wreck it. Simple.”