“Oh my God, baby, you are in so much trouble.”

“You’re wishin’ too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be.”

“Oh, cold world -- I have grown so weary of you and all your horrible bathrooms.”

“What kind of God do you believe in? my answer is easy: I believe in a magnificent God”

“There's no trouble in this world so serious that it can't be cured with a hot bath, a glass of whiskey, and the Book of Common Prayer.”

“I was a veritable Johnny Appleseed of grand expectations, and all I reaped for my trouble was a harvest of bitter fruit.”

“I love my pizza so much, in fact, that I have come to believe in my delirium that my pizza might actually love me, in return. I am having a relationship with this pizza, almost an affair.”