“Annie's Soda Bread 4 cps flour3/4 cp sugar1 tsp salt1 tsp baking powder3 TB caraway seeds1 cp raisins1/4 cp butter1 1/3 cp buttermilk1 egg1 tsp baking sodaSift and mix dry ingredients, minus soda. Stir in seeds and raisins. Cut in butter. Combine buttermilk,egg and soda in small bowl. Mix w. dry, turn out and knead. Put in greased pans and bake at 350' for 40 min. Makes two small loaves.”

“1. Heat the oven to Denial.2. Prepare the pan with a spray of Anger.3. Mix in two medium-size bargains with The Bony Guy.4. Add 1/3 cup of Depression (tears will do if you want low-fat).5. Bake...until you can jab a toothpick in your arm and it seems Acceptable.”

“The arts are not frosting but baking soda.”

“Sympathizing over the behavior of men is the baking soda of women's friendships, it seems,the thing that makes them bubble and rise.”

“Stupidity mixed with arrogance mixed with anger mixed with adrenaline is a deadly combination. Just as deadly as adding fries and a soda and making it a combo meal.”

“STAY HOME FROM SCHOOL FAUX VOMIT:1 cup of cooked oatmeal1.2 cup of sour cream (or buttermilk ranch dressing or anything that smells like rancid, sour milk)2 chopped cheese sticks (for chunkiness)1 uncooked egg (for authentic slimy texture)1 can of split pea soup (for putrid green color)1/4 cup of raisins (to increase gross-osity)Mix ingredients and simmer over low heat for 2 minutesLet mixture cool to warm vomit temperatureUse liberally as neededMakes 4 to 5 cups”