“Are we turning back? Because if you’re just trying to solve my post-traumatic stress problem by exposing me to rock sharks until I’m desensitized, trust me—that ship has sailed.”
“In World War One, they called it shell shock. Second time around, they called it battle fatigue. After 'Nam, it was post-traumatic stress disorder.”
“That is because at the close of the day the ship we sail in is the soul, not the body.”
“To me, love is either a pebble, a rock, or a boulder. Or a grain of sand, if you’re trying to measure the love my ex wife had for me.”
“My friends joke that I’m dead until I get onstage. I’m dead right now as you’re speaking to me.”
“I put Post-It notes everywhere to remind me of everything. I stick a ton of them on my computer monitor, telephone, and wallet. The problem now is that there are so many of them that my mind has blocked them all out. So I now need Post-It notes to remind me to look at my Post-It notes.”